oh john mccain.

it's odd this has mostly been a political commentary blog so far, but gosh darn it, there's just too much wackiness to ignore!

i just read this article, and although this came out earlier this month, it's the first i've heard of this mess up. if you don't like to click on links (because you're afraid you'll miss out on too much of my bloggy goodness), allow me to sum it up:

Reporter to McCain: hey, do condoms help prevent HIV?

John McCain: uhhhhhh...ummmmm....

Reporter: do we need to call the home for you sir? you're in iowa, everything will be ok, you were just having those grandiose fantasies again....

the man seriously didn't know how to answer the question of whether or not condoms helped to prevent HIV. i can only imagine the follow up questions i would want to ask if john mccain told me he was stumped by this question..

"excuse me, mr. mccain....um, do you believe umbrellas keep you from getting wet when it's raining?"

"sir, would you advise the wearing of a mesh tank top and hot pants in the minneapolis/st. paul airport bathrooms if your goal is to get out of there without blowing an Idaho senator?"

sure, these seem like common sense to you and me, but Old Man McCain thinks you can't get pregnant if you do it in a pool, so forgive him for not studying up on all this condom nonsense...he's been busy trying to figure out how to give every american a pool, and how to listen to people without secretly daydreaming of discounted meals.

a few of my fears.

i fear that hillary has truly lost her mind. anyone who knows me is sure to know by now that i am not a fan of her, and i have been especially displeased with the way she chosen to run her campaign, so my fear refers to something much larger than her recent desperate attempts
to cling on to some sort of delusion that she can still win the nomination. my question is why? it's simple to say that hillary is not delusional, but maybe still a little drunk from all the champagne she cracked open before super tuesday...that she was so convinced of being a sure thing candidate from the beginning that it's almost impossible for her to admit her chances in '08 have faded from sight. it hasn't come without warning, and it hasn't come without the opportunity for her to set things straight, but alas, the day has not yet come for a politician to admit wrongdoing. now, after being caught lying about sniper fire and refusing to let go of the rev. wright issue, her approval rating has hit a new low, and there are no glimmers of hope in her horizon. i just fear that she is really going to end up hurting the democratic party.

after digging this article about ray kurweil, i fear singularity. seriously, the mere thought of having robotic organs inside me, and then them "waking up" and realizing they're better than that and just splitting...ok, so maybe it doesn't say that exactly, but that shit is already in my head now and it terrifies me.

lastly, i fear that some people have just plain lost their minds.

in other news...

a lot of my friends are really down on bill clinton right now...saying he's hurting his legacy by continuing to make such terrible comments about barack obama...i mean, when you're a former president being referred to as a modern day joe mccarthy, i think it's safe to say something is wrong....but what's funny, is obama has recovered gracefully every time, and in the end, it seems like these comments president clinton have been making actually give MORE support to barack.

that's when it hit me.

al this time, we though 'ol bill was campaigning FOR hillary...i guess it just goes to show how foolish we are, because after i stopped and thought about it, i realized there's no way bill would choose to support his wife over a guy like obama. bill's just doing what he can to silently help barack while quietly sabotaging his wife's chances of taking office...

if there's one man on earth who would like to see hillary NOT get the candidacy more than me, i think it's probably bill.

just sayin.

that was a rough break.

well, midterms and spring break took their toll on me, but here i am...allow me to recap what's happened since my last post.

i think i actually did pretty well on all my midterms...i know i got a 93 on my physics test, which i never in a lifetime would've though i could've pulled out since i hadn't gone to one class since the last test, but here i am to tell the tale.

then came spring break, which started on st. patty's day this year. i chose to celebrate st. patty's in reverse order of most people, so i started the day puking...around 7am. it was miserable. i realized it was a light case of food poisoning and went on my way.

wednesday night i did my first open mic night at hyena's in arlington. there were 38 comics who each got about 3 minutes of time. i say "about" because some people, no matter how unfunny they may have been, continued on for much longer, clinging on the microphone like i would hold on to the last copy of super smash brothers at target. anyway, out of the 38, i went 36th. the guy that went on right after me couldn't finish a joke he was so wasted, and the guy after him was just a big black guy who was pissed off about politics. and not pissed off like lewis black....no, this guy was not pissed WITH punchlines, he was just pissed.

needless to say, it was a mixed experience. i realize that the comedy world asks you to pay certain dues, and i respect that. i just hope that it isn't like months of going dead last, because that i just can't handle. there were literally like 10 people left in the room by the time i hit the stage, and i don't know if you've ever tried your hand at stand up, but i'm sure at some point in your life, you've tried to tell a story that for whatever reason you thought was interesting, and whoever you were telling it to basically acted like you were a complete idiot for trying to tell it....well, that's about what comedy in a room of ten people is like. it's actually almost more awkward at that point to hear someone audibly laugh because although you know you finally reached someone, it really only confirms that the mic really is on, and they really can hear you. they're just not laughing.

the good news is, i was actually fairly comfortable up there, and i know when it comes time to do the prophet bar shows, i won't have to go on so late...which will be great, because then i'll at least get SOME feedback, hopefully good.

Exactly what is wrong...

today I encountered a perfect example of exactly what is wrong with the world...my roommate and I went to starbucks, a place I generally find to be filled with a certain part of the populus...While sometimes these people are a bit lofty in their opinions, I have never really encountered anyone too unpleasant. Until today. You see, starbucks was not THAT busy. A woman and her young daughter (maybe 7) got in line behind us as we were ordering. I say this because it is important to note that there is no way to confuse that the two of us were in front of the two of them. As we finished paying, we quickly browsed through the cds (easy tiger was there, and definitely goes well with coffee....kudos starbucks) then sat at a table right by the counter where the finished drinks come out. The portly woman, along with her equally portly daughter decide that waiting patiently somewhere out of the way is not befitting of them, so they hog right on up to the bar itself. The woman even made eye contact with us at one point, and I blame myself for not realizing at this point something was about to go wrong. I re-imagine that moment we locked eye contact almost like the scenes in better off dead where john cusack is being taunted, even dared, to just TRY and stop those americanized asian brothers from beating him in a race, but at the time, I had no way of knowing that the enjoyment level of my day was in great peril.

I guess I should clarify something about myself...and that is, that above anything else, poor public behavior is the number one way to upset me. If you're an idiot at home, so what...but the second your ignorant behavior keeps me from accomplishing something is the very second I wish I could just take you out and beat you. Why? Because i'm not asking you to understand kant's categorical imperative, I don't expect you to be able to quote me lines from the tempest, I just ask that in public, you act like a decent human being.

So with that said, the time comes...my roommate's drink comes out first, and as the barista is calling out "tall caramel whatever for justin" and sets the drink on the counter, the portly daughter quickly grabs the drink before I, being less than an arm's reach away, can...and not only that, even as i'm reaching for it, takes a drink. As she swallows that first sip she tries to cover up the fact that it was too hot to taste, and instead looks at me and smiles.

I look at the mother, fully expecting to receive an apology for the behavior, but instead she says "well, she ordered the same thing...how could she know?" and with that the woman seems fully confident that she has fulfilled her obligation to me.

the barista hands me my drink, and seeing as how my roommate ordered the same thing, we accepted the one that was originally intended for the little girl.

I was careful to not make a scene, but the situation made me think about a couple of things.

First and foremost, this a blatant error of parenting. Nothing was done to insure that, in the future, this little girl refrains from drink theft. I'm not saying you have to yell or beat the kid or anything like that, it's as simple as saying "rachel, (which was the girl's name on the cup) wait until they call your name, ok?" but instead the parent tries to just excuse their child's poor behavior.

Second, why are you giving your seven year old overweight kid a combination of espresso, caramel, and mocha?

Thanks. Day ruined.

-update- despite my day having previously been ruined, it is now NOT RUINED as it is now snowing.