oh john mccain.

it's odd this has mostly been a political commentary blog so far, but gosh darn it, there's just too much wackiness to ignore!

i just read this article, and although this came out earlier this month, it's the first i've heard of this mess up. if you don't like to click on links (because you're afraid you'll miss out on too much of my bloggy goodness), allow me to sum it up:

Reporter to McCain: hey, do condoms help prevent HIV?

John McCain: uhhhhhh...ummmmm....

Reporter: do we need to call the home for you sir? you're in iowa, everything will be ok, you were just having those grandiose fantasies again....

the man seriously didn't know how to answer the question of whether or not condoms helped to prevent HIV. i can only imagine the follow up questions i would want to ask if john mccain told me he was stumped by this question..

"excuse me, mr. mccain....um, do you believe umbrellas keep you from getting wet when it's raining?"

"sir, would you advise the wearing of a mesh tank top and hot pants in the minneapolis/st. paul airport bathrooms if your goal is to get out of there without blowing an Idaho senator?"

sure, these seem like common sense to you and me, but Old Man McCain thinks you can't get pregnant if you do it in a pool, so forgive him for not studying up on all this condom nonsense...he's been busy trying to figure out how to give every american a pool, and how to listen to people without secretly daydreaming of discounted meals.

a few of my fears.

i fear that hillary has truly lost her mind. anyone who knows me is sure to know by now that i am not a fan of her, and i have been especially displeased with the way she chosen to run her campaign, so my fear refers to something much larger than her recent desperate attempts
to cling on to some sort of delusion that she can still win the nomination. my question is why? it's simple to say that hillary is not delusional, but maybe still a little drunk from all the champagne she cracked open before super tuesday...that she was so convinced of being a sure thing candidate from the beginning that it's almost impossible for her to admit her chances in '08 have faded from sight. it hasn't come without warning, and it hasn't come without the opportunity for her to set things straight, but alas, the day has not yet come for a politician to admit wrongdoing. now, after being caught lying about sniper fire and refusing to let go of the rev. wright issue, her approval rating has hit a new low, and there are no glimmers of hope in her horizon. i just fear that she is really going to end up hurting the democratic party.

after digging this article about ray kurweil, i fear singularity. seriously, the mere thought of having robotic organs inside me, and then them "waking up" and realizing they're better than that and just splitting...ok, so maybe it doesn't say that exactly, but that shit is already in my head now and it terrifies me.

lastly, i fear that some people have just plain lost their minds.

in other news...

a lot of my friends are really down on bill clinton right now...saying he's hurting his legacy by continuing to make such terrible comments about barack obama...i mean, when you're a former president being referred to as a modern day joe mccarthy, i think it's safe to say something is wrong....but what's funny, is obama has recovered gracefully every time, and in the end, it seems like these comments president clinton have been making actually give MORE support to barack.

that's when it hit me.

al this time, we though 'ol bill was campaigning FOR hillary...i guess it just goes to show how foolish we are, because after i stopped and thought about it, i realized there's no way bill would choose to support his wife over a guy like obama. bill's just doing what he can to silently help barack while quietly sabotaging his wife's chances of taking office...

if there's one man on earth who would like to see hillary NOT get the candidacy more than me, i think it's probably bill.

just sayin.

that was a rough break.

well, midterms and spring break took their toll on me, but here i am...allow me to recap what's happened since my last post.

i think i actually did pretty well on all my midterms...i know i got a 93 on my physics test, which i never in a lifetime would've though i could've pulled out since i hadn't gone to one class since the last test, but here i am to tell the tale.

then came spring break, which started on st. patty's day this year. i chose to celebrate st. patty's in reverse order of most people, so i started the day puking...around 7am. it was miserable. i realized it was a light case of food poisoning and went on my way.

wednesday night i did my first open mic night at hyena's in arlington. there were 38 comics who each got about 3 minutes of time. i say "about" because some people, no matter how unfunny they may have been, continued on for much longer, clinging on the microphone like i would hold on to the last copy of super smash brothers at target. anyway, out of the 38, i went 36th. the guy that went on right after me couldn't finish a joke he was so wasted, and the guy after him was just a big black guy who was pissed off about politics. and not pissed off like lewis black....no, this guy was not pissed WITH punchlines, he was just pissed.

needless to say, it was a mixed experience. i realize that the comedy world asks you to pay certain dues, and i respect that. i just hope that it isn't like months of going dead last, because that i just can't handle. there were literally like 10 people left in the room by the time i hit the stage, and i don't know if you've ever tried your hand at stand up, but i'm sure at some point in your life, you've tried to tell a story that for whatever reason you thought was interesting, and whoever you were telling it to basically acted like you were a complete idiot for trying to tell it....well, that's about what comedy in a room of ten people is like. it's actually almost more awkward at that point to hear someone audibly laugh because although you know you finally reached someone, it really only confirms that the mic really is on, and they really can hear you. they're just not laughing.

the good news is, i was actually fairly comfortable up there, and i know when it comes time to do the prophet bar shows, i won't have to go on so late...which will be great, because then i'll at least get SOME feedback, hopefully good.

Exactly what is wrong...

today I encountered a perfect example of exactly what is wrong with the world...my roommate and I went to starbucks, a place I generally find to be filled with a certain part of the populus...While sometimes these people are a bit lofty in their opinions, I have never really encountered anyone too unpleasant. Until today. You see, starbucks was not THAT busy. A woman and her young daughter (maybe 7) got in line behind us as we were ordering. I say this because it is important to note that there is no way to confuse that the two of us were in front of the two of them. As we finished paying, we quickly browsed through the cds (easy tiger was there, and definitely goes well with coffee....kudos starbucks) then sat at a table right by the counter where the finished drinks come out. The portly woman, along with her equally portly daughter decide that waiting patiently somewhere out of the way is not befitting of them, so they hog right on up to the bar itself. The woman even made eye contact with us at one point, and I blame myself for not realizing at this point something was about to go wrong. I re-imagine that moment we locked eye contact almost like the scenes in better off dead where john cusack is being taunted, even dared, to just TRY and stop those americanized asian brothers from beating him in a race, but at the time, I had no way of knowing that the enjoyment level of my day was in great peril.

I guess I should clarify something about myself...and that is, that above anything else, poor public behavior is the number one way to upset me. If you're an idiot at home, so what...but the second your ignorant behavior keeps me from accomplishing something is the very second I wish I could just take you out and beat you. Why? Because i'm not asking you to understand kant's categorical imperative, I don't expect you to be able to quote me lines from the tempest, I just ask that in public, you act like a decent human being.

So with that said, the time comes...my roommate's drink comes out first, and as the barista is calling out "tall caramel whatever for justin" and sets the drink on the counter, the portly daughter quickly grabs the drink before I, being less than an arm's reach away, can...and not only that, even as i'm reaching for it, takes a drink. As she swallows that first sip she tries to cover up the fact that it was too hot to taste, and instead looks at me and smiles.

I look at the mother, fully expecting to receive an apology for the behavior, but instead she says "well, she ordered the same thing...how could she know?" and with that the woman seems fully confident that she has fulfilled her obligation to me.

the barista hands me my drink, and seeing as how my roommate ordered the same thing, we accepted the one that was originally intended for the little girl.

I was careful to not make a scene, but the situation made me think about a couple of things.

First and foremost, this a blatant error of parenting. Nothing was done to insure that, in the future, this little girl refrains from drink theft. I'm not saying you have to yell or beat the kid or anything like that, it's as simple as saying "rachel, (which was the girl's name on the cup) wait until they call your name, ok?" but instead the parent tries to just excuse their child's poor behavior.

Second, why are you giving your seven year old overweight kid a combination of espresso, caramel, and mocha?

Thanks. Day ruined.

-update- despite my day having previously been ruined, it is now NOT RUINED as it is now snowing.

a little about myself, i guess.

i'm a little late getting to today's blog. i always say i'm going to write during the day, but it seems like such a waste. if i write at night, i have the entirety of my day to draw from in these entries. for instance, if i had posted earlier, i wouldn't have been able to comment on the passing of boyd coddington, the hall of fame hot rod builder, most known to the world as the boss on the discovery channel's "american hot rod". i have to admit, the show wasn't my thing, but from what i've seen, boyd could really come up with some sweet classic rides, and i'm sure his absence will be felt.

moving on...

i watched the movie "lars and the real girl" today, and despite having read some negative reviews, i was pretty glad i watched it. sure it's out there, and for those who watch movies with the sole idea of realism in mind, this may be a big waste of time, but for people who are willing to sacrifice a little bit of reality for an interesting and even oddly touching movie, i would seriously suggest it.

i also recently watched the documentary "herbie hancock:possibilities" and man, it just excited me! the fact that a man like herbie still exists, someone who is still trying to push the limits of a genre, and someone who is very obviously motivated not by money or success, but by how exciting it is for him to create music...this is so ridiculously encouraging, it makes me not want to give up on music, even though the vast majority of it out there right now is lifeless. please don't misunderstand, i still hear passion in music occasionally, and i can't deny the power of a good pop song for sheer enjoyment, so i'm not saying "fuck music" i'm simply saying that i can only hope there are future artists looking up to people like herbie hancock or paul simon, rather than the pop stars who try to suck every dollar out of their fans that they can.

uno.

i have the infinite pleasure of beginning my blogging experience while i'm at work, and subsequently using a keyboard that should probably be a prototype for the first fetal computers, but it's whatever...let's see what we've got to talk about...

the oscars were last night and in case you missed it, here's a recap: jon stewart sealed the deal in becoming the billy crystal of my generation (which if we want to apply all reasonable logic, you might assume that ellen would become the new whoopi...in case you're curious). He accomplished this by actually managing to keep the ceremony relatively interesting for just over three hours, commenting on the current state of politics, the writers strike, and even a little bit of good natured jabbing at screen icons like dennis hopper and jack nicholson. perfect mix, jon...but you already knew i loved you, so there's really nothing new there.

from there we go on to how much everyone loved no country for old men and how much everyone really just liked talking about juno.

no country took home four awards total, and they just happened to all be pretty "big ones" if i may say so...it won best adapted screenplay, best supporting actor, best director(s) and best picture. personally, i thought there will be blood would've put up more of a fight, in fact, in my oscar pool i had there will be blood taking best picture, but no country taking the best directing award, but apparently no country did no wrong, and there were thus rewarded.

and while no country for old men racked up the oscars, the little film everyone loved to talk about, Juno, took home only best original screenplay, an award that -in my eyes- was probably the least appropriate for it to win. i didn't consider the film oscar-worthy in any sense, and i know it's basically un-American to say so, but i'm sorry....it needs to be said. the movie was good, sure, but seriously? the screenplay itself was written by diablo cody, former "exotic dancer" or as i like to call it, "stripper" turned hollywood writer. it seems like this point is so incredibly important to people...as if to say "wow...strippers aren't all illiterate drug-addicts incapable of sustaining life by any means other than peeling their clothes off in front of men who can't figure out how to get laid on their own?" i think we can all agree this is a pretty offensive stereotype...there are plenty of guys that go to strip clubs that could still get laid on their own....kidding diablo, but my point remains that i don't know if more people liked the movie as a whole, or the fact that its writer isn't some old man who has made a living out of writing movies. i'm definitely not winning over any possible subscribers here, i just think that overall, juno was a cute little movie with way too many "hipisms" as i like to call them. juno was a film trying desperately to appear hip to anyone who watched it, whether it be the middle-aged crowd being dragged to the theaters by their teenagers or to the teenagers doing the dragging, and i guess i can say mission accomplished. you won over a lot of older viewers with the idea that maybe there really is a sixteen year old girl with no older siblings who just happens to think that iggy and the stooges and patti smith really are the greatest rockers of all time, and you may have won over the teens 'n tweens with new vocab words like "wizard" or "phuket, thailand"...but in the process, it left me wishing cody had simply written a movie set in her own time period, it's not as if her era is out of touch with modern teens, and a lot of her pop culture references would've worked just as well, if not better.

if you're here, you either see my point or you just skipped the whole last paragraph because you were tired of reading such sacreligious thoughts...either way, i'm over it. i didn't think juno was bad, i just didn't see it being worth all the fuss.